Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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