Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
