we have officially mastered the walk of shame
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you had me at cake vodka
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
