1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
