I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
