Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
4 words: hood of his car
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
