Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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