sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
