we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
