How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
