hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
