So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
