how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
