I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
