Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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