I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
