3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
