All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize