Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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