She said her name was "party"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize