I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
