Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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