If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
