We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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