Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
