He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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