spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
