seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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