I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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