I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
