I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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