Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
