420 ftw
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
