No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
