I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
