Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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