I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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