Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
