i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
