i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Small penises have feelings too.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
