I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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