just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
