Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
