Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize