my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am one with the molecules
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
