Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
