Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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