party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
