I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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