i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize