Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
