I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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