I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
