This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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