Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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