About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
