its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
