Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We got so high we made milksteak
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
