your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
