hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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