so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
