she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
