He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
