there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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