I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
