a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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