I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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