That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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