mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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