Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
