and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
