fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
