Apparently you make a good broom.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
