I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
