Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize