I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
