Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A bitchslap is in order.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
