I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
being pregnant is like rehab
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
