can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
