hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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