my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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