I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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