Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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