Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
