i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
