I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
