I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
