I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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