Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just gift wrapped bread.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
