Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
