You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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