I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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