He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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