My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
