you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
