His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
