Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
