I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
