Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
