So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
