I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
please come you make the beer taste better
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
