Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As shirtless as possible
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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