I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
There's even glitter on my cock...
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