wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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