before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my shit smells like andre
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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