i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
