two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
