Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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