Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
