I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
