Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
