Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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