She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
