My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
