Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
