maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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